I sit down in a chair with my my thigh freshly sanitized
$6000 injection pen in my right hand
A biosimilar made to slow down my autoimmune disease
I want to hold my head; Fold into myself to cry fresh salt tears
But it will contaminate the injection site
That I carefully prepared
I wonder if it will work
I wonder how I’ll make it to work at 6 AM
With the fatigue of the medication holding me down
Will the nurses on my unit notice?
My fatigued stare, my sideways limp
The way I lean against a wall too long
Labor up the stairs and down the hall
Will they think?
Maybe she belongs here
As the patient and not to aid
I’m in a state of constant evolution
An incorrect state of adaptation
I wonder if time will stop my bones from
Recalibrating and regrowing
If the inflammation and age go hand in hand
The progressive illness standing between me and progress
For now, I continue to feel the sting of my liquid courage
Until one day the only thing in my way is a pen
Courage With Medicine
This piece was inspired by a patient I saw while on my first rotation in family medicine. The patient had Parkinsons and had spent the past few months undergoing painful and exhausting DBS adjustments; her movements were uncontrollable in the session until she focused and calmed, telling me the reason for her visit- medical clearance for returning to boxing lessons. Her courage to undergo experimental treatments and embrace her ability to move and fight despite the severity of her disease were inspiring to me, she told me more details of her story which are woven into this work.
Bio:
Marley McKenzie is a writer working in allied health pursuing a career in medicine while attending Southern New Hampshire University. He is a member and mentee participant of Medical Students with Disability and Chronic Illness (MSDCI). He values commitment, discipline, and passion in written works. He was born and raised in Atlanta, Georgia with Caribbean heritage. You can find him volunteering at the local hospice biographing stories and helping create local queer events throughout the Atlanta area. He strives to learn more and be part of the community. He has work published in Written Tales Chapbook vol. XVI and The Nonbinary Review by Zoetic Press.