In Utero

Poetry

Before he can control his limbs, a baby kicks

Wiggling to an internal rhythm

A pulse to wire the new tracks

Curled in fetal position

My pulse hummed

Buzzing and beeping and draws

Kick impulses met with short circuits

If I follow back the leads will they bring me to wholeness?

Can I be comforted by the chill of EKG gel?

Soothed by the salty taste-smell of the Halprin flush

Incubated by the pokes and prods of midnight rounds?

Movements were the clockwork loop of the surgical schedule

Elevators opening to blinding lights

Ending amniotic anesthesia dreams

We all scream in the beginning

And then emerging to stillness

And when I could not move I was moved by

Sparks and matches struck

Books and journals

And

The new resident that spoke to me for more than a soap note

We learned that

Giving life was not something you could program

One foot in front of the other

Unconscious to purposeful movement

Author: Rivka Manzura

Bio: Rivka is a first year medical student at the University of Michigan. The written word has always been an intimate part of her life. She believes expression, connection and storytelling are a vital part of tending to our inner spark- which is core to healing. She is excited about the idea of narrative medicine and eager to engage more in this field.

Commentary: "In Utero" is about the experience I had in the hospital over the course of 2 months following a car accident. In this poem I explore the lines between medical care and healing. Of the actions and mechanics and technology not having the ability to ever replace the healing relationship, the human spark that can move someone through the worst times.