In Utero

Before he can control his limbs, a baby kicks

Wiggling to an internal rhythm

A pulse to wire the new tracks

Curled in fetal position

My pulse hummed

Buzzing and beeping and draws

Kick impulses met with short circuits

If I follow back the leads will they bring me to wholeness?

Can I be comforted by the chill of EKG gel?

Soothed by the salty taste-smell of the Halprin flush

Incubated by the pokes and prods of midnight rounds?

Movements were the clockwork loop of the surgical schedule

Elevators opening to blinding lights

Ending amniotic anesthesia dreams

We all scream in the beginning

And then emerging to stillness

And when I could not move I was moved by

Sparks and matches struck

Books and journals

And

The new resident that spoke to me for more than a soap note

We learned that

Giving life was not something you could program

One foot in front of the other

Unconscious to purposeful movement